


Happy Accidents

by freedomfightsback



Series: Baby Steps [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, No angst here, Trans Taako (The Adventure Zone), Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-02-17 08:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13073253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freedomfightsback/pseuds/freedomfightsback
Summary: Taako's already crazy family gets a little bigger. The only thing that could've been better about it is if he had known beforehand. Taako is a drama queen, Kravitz is nervous, Lup is excited, Barry is Barry and the whole gang is here.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is something I've wanted to write for a little while. This was inspired by several arts of Taako and Kravitz with a little elf bab.

Taako had eaten half the fridge by the time Lup got home from the astral plane.

One of the joys of living in the same house as your husband, your brother, and his husband, is the fact something interesting is always going on. She had just torn a portal into the kitchen and nearly slipped on something plastic before righting herself. Her flesh came back on as she took in the damage.

"Woah there broseph," she commented on the mess the kitchen was in. Empty ice cream containers were scattered on the floor, while Taako seemed to be trying to fry something and eat peanut butter out of the jar at the same time.

"Let me live my life," He called back at her, stubbornly sticking the spoon in his mouth and flipping the grilled cheese over. Lup walked over to their stove and wrinkled her nose.

"Woof, what in Pan's name is that shit?" She leaned over the pan and Taako nudged her away.

"Grilled cheese with onions and pepperoni," he explained and ate another bite of peanut butter. She raised an eyebrow and took the jar from him, getting her own fix.

"Taako I love you, truly, like a brother, but that's one of your shittiest sounding ideas in a long time my man," Taako noticed her going in for another bite of peanut butter and he snatched the spoon away, much to his sister's shock.

"Sorry," he immediately apologized, and set the jar aside. "But I threw up this morning, super gross, don't wanna give you my cooties and all that jazz," he explained and took his sandwich off the heat. Lup huffed, giving her wand a flick to put those empty ice cream cartons in the trash can (Real wizards never pick shit up).

"Is it some kind of tapeworm? Because you ate all of Barry's cookie dough ice cream and he's gonna be mad," she waggled her wand at him and he shrugged while crunching through his sandwich abomination. "I'll get him some more later, and that Cherry Garcia kind Krav likes," She hummed. Big sister instincts kicking in, she put a hand on his forehead.

"They home soon?" He asked between bites. She shook her head and removed her hand.

"I left those boners with the mountain of paperwork that comes after every case. You don't have a fever, are you sure you're sick Koko?" Taako swallowed another bite of sandwich and went over to the fridge.

"I can't think of any other reason, you know nothing in this house is gonna upset anyone's stomachs," he reasoned, pouring himself a glass of lemonade. Lup sat down at the table and put her chin in her hands.

"No no I know that, but your cravings are weirding me out," he shrugged and shoved the rest of the crust into his face.

"Probably a stomach bug," he reasoned. Then caught the way his sister was looking at him. "What?" he asked, wiping food off his face. She looked like she was thinking hard.

"Taako are you sure you're not... you know?" Taako stared at her and then made a motion for her to continue her thought.

"What? Gay? Trans? Eating us out of house and home? Baby Taako has burned all those bridges," he kicked back with his feet on the table. Lup seemed to be thinking of how to say something delicately which wasn't something she usually bothered with.

"Taako... is it possible you're... you know," She made a gesture with her hand around her stomach, like-- He blanched and pushed his chair away from the table.

"Nope," he stood up and started walking away. "NOpe no nuh uh no way no how not me not Taako--" Lup was close behind. She grabbed his hands and made him face her.

"Taako this is very important,"

"IT'S A STOMACH BUG," He squawked and Lup cupped his face instead.

"Koko did you do the dirty without a--"

"NO," His ears went flat against his head. Lup got closer, and his ears tilted even farther back as if they were trying to escape Taako's head.

"Taako, sweet baby brother boy, my literal clone," he wouldn't meet her eyes and her voice was soft. "Is it maaaaybe possible?"

Taako clung to her shirt with a white knuckled grip and sat down.

"It's just a stomach bug," he whispered, then shook off the apparent shock. "Duh," Lup gave him an unimpressed look. "Lup I promise, our nobody didn't raise no fool, plus Kravitz is dead as a doorknob so-"

"I'm dead as a doorknob but I'm wearing living flesh, and there's nothing wrong with it mechanically speaking," She pointed out and some color left Taako's face. Lup somehow looked both smug and worried at the same time, the way only she could. "Didn't know that, did you bro?" Taako reached out to steady himself on her.

"Call Merle,"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo just letting you guys know this isn't gonna be a long ongoing thing just a little short with maybe a oneshot here afterwards. Fantasy Costco sells the best magical pregnancy tests.

"Well," Merle began. He was holding a crystal chunk the size of his hand, which was glowing a soft blue. Taako was sitting on the couch holding Lup's hand in a vice grip.

"Do another one," Taako ordered, staring at the crystal. Merle frowned and opened another box, pulling out a white crystal about the same size as the blue one.

"I was afraid you'd say that so I got two. Lady at the Costco counter was looking at me funny," he handed it to Taako who very carefully set it against his stomach. They gave it the full thirty seconds before it came away, blue as ever. Taako carefully set the stone down in the silence. Merle wrung his hands a little.

"Uhhh, congratulations?" He tried, and Taako gave a nod. He didn't seem to be panicking anymore, just thinking.

"Much appreciated my guy," he returned, and stood up from the couch. Lup followed him, waiting for some sort of Taako worthy meltdown.

"So what's step two bro?" She inquired, following him to his room, Merle not far behind.

"Well obviously I gotta tell the bone daddy," Taako paused then his features lit up. "Oh MAN he's an actual bone daddy now," He broke off into giggles as he grabbed his wand and stuck it in his bag.

"Taako buddy maybe you should sit down," Merle suggested gently. Lup nodded.

"Absolutely we gotta figure this shit out," Taako paused in his packing.

"Listen-- lemme say this-- this one is on Taako. I'm gonna go talk to Krav, reaper to elf and then we're gonna plan stuff out from there," he promised.

Merle was reaching out to stop him. "But I've got so much fatherly advice, I'm a wellspring, I--"

"Can tell Lup all about it," Taako ensured and earned a death glare from his sister. "Now Lup if you don't mind, show me my skeletal baby daddy,"

Lup reached out and gave him a hug instead, which he returned gently. "You're killing me you know that right?" She sighed and he patted her on the back.

"Don't be a drama queen, you're already dead," He pointed out and she smiled. She turned away and cut a portal for him.

"He's probably doing paperwork," She reasoned. He took a deep breath and stepped into it.

"See y'all on the other side," as the portal was closing he turned around and pointed a finger at them. "Now keep this shit under wraps, top secret, CODE NAME TAQUITO--" the portal shut and Lup whistled low.

"Well this is uh," she turned to Merle. "This is a new one for us huh?" Merle opened his mouth to agree but there was a crashing noise from the living room. They both ran back down the hallway to check what--

Barry stood there in his reaper regalia (Red robe over tee shirt with a tuxedo design), flesh on, hand out, blue crystal shattered at his feet. He gaped, a little like a goldfish, and looked up. His hand slowly became a pointer finger and his mouth moved to form a question. Lup threw her hands up.

"Not me babe, swear to Jeffandrew," she promised and Barry looked at Merle for an explanation. Instead Merle threw his hands up as well.

"No more kids at my age," he reasoned, and Barry looked like he was having an aneurysm. Lup went over gently.

"Barry I know this is crazy but you cannot tell anyone until Taako gets back from talking with Kravitz," Barry still had big eyes but nodded.

"Man that's gonna be the most goth baby ever," he whispered and Lup burst out laughing. Merle awkwardly cleared his throat from behind them and they turned.

"So uh, is it a bad thing if I told Davenport this morning I would be visiting you guys because something was wrong with Taako?"

Lup groaned just as the front door was knocked on loudly.

"Hey guys," Magnus' voice carried through the door. "We brought stuff for Taako!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated ❤️


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey this thing was a MONSTER of a chapter since I'm doing this in six chunks. Feel free to point out any spelling errors in the comments with any of my fics. Merry Christmas you filthy animals.

Kravitz unfortunately was not doing paperwork. Taako walked into the portal with a, "Hey bone man we gotta--" and was so rudely interrupted by a decapitated head nearly smacking him in the face. He must've aced his dexterity roll because he managed to duck in time.

"Taako?" Kravitz spun around, full reaper mode, scythe in hand. They were in some sort of cavern or dungeon, and emaciated zombies were clawing at Kravitz robes from a crater in the ground. "What are you doing here?" He stomping on another's head without looking down.

Taako huffed, drawing his wand, "Can't I visit my man at work? Also you might wanna move," Kravitz got the hint, and with an expert twist of the scythe cut a portal for himself to fall into, appearing next to Taako as a Thunderwave splattered zombie parts along the cave wall.

"You normally just call me," Kravitz pointed out, sliding up next to his husband to hold the crook of his arm gently. "Is something up?"

Taako laughed, high and nervous and flicked a vertebrae from his shirt. "Nothing is up, so little is up you could say it's down skeleman-- and Lup told me you were doing paperwork," He pointed his wand in his face accusingly.

"Well I was alerted of a level two necromancer and I thought I would deal with it now rather than later," he reasoned. "They're not up to anything huge but I was just gonna give them a fair warning and everything,"

Taako purred, leaning on his chest. "My man, laying down that good extradimensonal law," He traced his jaw with a finger, "Sexy,"

Kravitz laughed and pressed the front of his face to Taako's forehead in an almost kiss. "I know you love distracting me hon, but is something up?"

Fuck, Kravitz knew him too well. Fuck him for being so considerate and kind and caring (Taako had). He had to tell him. He had to tell him right this minute.

"The only thing up is gonna be this fool's hands in the air after he gets a Taako level talking to," He said instead, starting to march down the cavern. Kravitz seemed amused and followed at his side.

"Well if you're volunteering to do work then I know something's wrong," Taako threw a chunk of zombie at him.

"Be quiet if we're doing cool shit together it's a date,"

***

Davenport had apparently told Magnus Taako was sick over the stone of farspeech. Magnus had told Lucretia (Who was sitting right next to him since they lived in the same house) who had gotten a sphere from the Bureau to give them a ride.

"No one in the fucking family CALLS FIRST," Lup shouted from the kitchen, throwing together some snacks. "No one says 'Hey guys ALL of us are stopping by so you know heads up'," She angrily shoved the cookies in the oven and walked out with her arms crossed.

The gang was sprawled across their living room, in various levels of relaxed.

"We all lived together on a spaceship for a hundred years you didn't have to call then," Magnus pointed out. He had brought a duck for Taako (Knowing his soup would never come close to something Lup could make). It had a tiny wizard's hat and Lup knew under any other situation Taako would love it.

"I guess we all overreacted a little," Davenport looked over his glass of wine bashfully. Merle was sharing the wine and drinking it a lot less bashfully.

"Naw calling is overrated," triggered multiple outbursts from the room that could be summed up with "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU NEVER ANSWER YOUR PHONE YOU OLD DWARF,"

Lup and Barry shared a look over the laughter, then glanced to the spot where Barry had hastily gotten rid of the positive pregnancy test crystals. They were content to do this for a while but once Taako got home--

"Hey where is sicky anyway?" Magnus looked around. Lucretia, who had been very quiet and a bit on edge hummed into her wine glass.

"Probably tired,"

"He wouldn't want to get you guys sick anyway, he's just taking a nap," Lup jumped on the excuse. Hopefully it wouldn't be long. Their family may be full of idiots, but they weren't stupid.

***

Taako hopped over another pit of spikes.

"This boy sure doesn't have a big ol bounty on his head," he observed. There were several traps set across the cave floor, but shallow and easy to get around. Kravitz shrugged and went on ahead.

"A for effort though," Taako snorted. Kravitz reached around and pulled him close by the waist. "Makes for a very romantic date."

Taako was more absorbed with how his hand was edging more near his stomach. Could he know? Could he feel it? No, probably not, but Taako bit his lip anyway.

"Love?" Taako snapped out of it.

"Yeah?" It was weird how Kravitz could make a skull look concerned.

"You know you can tell me anything right?" Taako's stomach dropped. "Whatever it is I don't want you stressing out about it,"

You're right I shouldn't stress out, Taako thought dazedly, because stress can hurt the baby it's a baby it's your baby hi hello I'm Taako from T.V and I'm pregnant with the Grim Reaper's kID-- He took a deep breath. Kravitz knew something was wrong and Taako didn't wanna lie to him.

"After we roast this boy's ass m'kay?" Kravitz didn't look happy about it but nodded.

"That's fair," He sighed. Arrows shot out of the walls and Taako dodged with a hella good dex save. At least he was having a little fun before shit went down.

***

Magnus came back from the bathroom very pale. He sat down next to Lucretia silently and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"What?"

Lup was taking cookies out of the oven in the kitchen, while Davenport told Barry about his latest sea adventure. Merle was asleep on the couch, sawing logs.

Magnus looked around carefully and cleared his throat.

"Would you, uh, join me in the bathroom?" Lucretia took a deep breath, and put her wine glass down.

"I'm just going to bypass asking for any kind of rational explanation and go with you, because I have been both your sister and boss and in either place it's never gotten me anywhere."

Three minutes later they were in the guest bath, door locked and peering into the trash can.

"Absolute bullshit,"

"Well that's, that's-- I don't know what to say,"

Magnus stuck his hand into the garbage can and brought up a shard of a glowing blue crystal.

"This," the Director said softly, "Is the nightmare scenario."

"No it's not," Magnus was practically vibrating. "I'M GONNA BE AN UNCLE--"

"SHHHHH--" Lucretia basically had to tackle him to shut up. A knock at the door made them both freeze.

"Did Magnus get stuck in the toilet seat again?"

"Captain that was ONE TIME forty years ago," He yelled through the door and Lucretia muffled her laughter into his chest.

"Well can I ask why there's a secret bathroom meeting?" Magnus and Lucretia shared a silent conversation before letting their captain in. When Magnus showed him the crystal he swore so hard in gnommish it almost made Lucretia's ears bleed.

"Language Davenport--"

"I'm a sailor what did you expect and what the FUCK are we gonna do about-- Magnus MAGNUS COME BACK--"

"LUP CONGRATULATIONS--"

***

Possibly the hardest part of being around Kravitz at the moment was pretending not to find his work accent hilarious as he lectured the wannabe necromancer.

"Now try a stunt like that again and I'll knock your bloody block off--" Taako giggled helplessly at that and tried to turn it into a cough.

Kravitz decided it was time to go. He cut them into a small park, somewhere in Neverwinter.

"Lup ask you to do some grocery shopping?" Taako leaned in on his arm as all that wonderfully handsome flesh came back. With the blue skies and fair weather, park clean and green, it felt like an actual date.

"I actually wanted to talk about that thing you wanted to talk about," Kravitz said quietly and Taako's grip on his arm became white knuckled. He swallowed.

"Well uh find a bench and open the hangars homie because Taako's about to drop a big ol bombshell,"

Kravitz found their bench and sat them down, holding his husband's hands. Taako wouldn't look at him. He just drew in a breath and continued.

"First of all, Kravitz, honey pie, darling dear, don't freak out," He enunciated the last part slowly. Kravitz already seemed to be disregarding that advice but nodded anyway. His eyes were wide and he was laser focused.

"Well uh let's see hm," Taako was hurriedly tapping his finger against his chin in thought. "I don't um-- how should I--" He let out a high nervous laugh then put his face in his hands. "Remember um, a little while back, that trip to Merle's house?"

Kravitz still seemed concerned but nodded along. "Yes we had a picnic on the beach--"

"And other stuff?"

Kravitz smiled sheepishly. "Yes I remember the other stuff on the beach."

"Cool well you know what happens when an elf and a half-drow love each other very much on a beach--" Kravitz looked totally lost. Taako made a vague gesture which confused him even more.

"They... get sandy?"

"FOR JEFFANDREW'S SAKE KRAV I'M PREGNANT,"

Kravitz must've forgotten Taako's earlier advice on not freaking out because his face evaporated.

***

"LUP IS PREGANAAANT," Magnus spun her around while the rest of the room watched with horror. Lup smacked his shoulder which made him lower her so they were eye to eye.

"I'm not pregnant you doof and if I was you shouldn't spin me," Magnus lowered her gently but kept his hands on her shoulders. He was staring at her with confused eyes, not unlike a puppy.

"But 'Crecia and I found the test in your trash," Lucretia held up said crystal a little abashedly. Lup's expression turned terrified then turned to Barry.

"You put it in the bathroom TRASH?" Barry seemingly shrunk.

"Well it was the closest garbage can--"

"YOU ARE A WIZARD BABE IT'S YOUR LICENSE TO BLAST EMBARRASSING SHIT OUT OF EXISTENCE," Barry now looked a little thankful for the wall Magnus was making between him and his wife. Merle raised a wooden hand from the couch where he hadn't moved during the whole ordeal.

"I just wanna say, I had no idea any of this was happening," Davenport slapped the paper plate out of his hands and Merle's carefully stacked tower of cookies fell to the floor. "Hey!"

"That's a load of horse crap you would've been the first person they'd come to if one of them was pregnant,"

"Well there's no need to hit," Merle seemed only disgruntled. Lucretia waved the shard of the crystal a little more urgency.

"Hi yes I know we're having one of our famous shouting matches but please explain why this is here," Lup and Barry shared an awkward glance. Merle twiddled his thumbs and whistled. Davenport sucked in a breath and put a hand on the dwarf's shoulder.

"Oh please tell me this is a goof," he wheezed, and Merle sat him down. Lucretia had a hand over her mouth and Magnus seemed to be playing mental connect the dots. When the pieces were formed he gasped and brought both his hands up to his face.

"Holy crap why didn't Taako TELL US he was trying?!"

***

"Oh my lady,"

"Krav, breathe-- wait never mind-- look at me--" Taako tried to get Kravitz's skull out of his hands. Kravitz's head snapped up and caught Taako's hands in a bruising grip.

"How long?" Taako's ears went down with embarrassment.

"Hell if I know my man but I figured it was the beach since that was one of our more-- uhh spur of the moment type deals," Kravitz sat back against the bench and put his hands on his face again.

"This is impossible I'm the Grim Reaper I can't--"

"Knock a homeboy up? Because it's deffo yours if that's any consolation," Taako leaned in closer to him while he made a groaning noise. Taako's own legs were shaking a little but no one needed to know about that. Kravitz appeared to take a deep breath despite not having the proper equipment, and his flesh returned.

"So what-- what-- what--" He gestured helplessly to Taako's stomach area. "What do we do??? Now?? What-- what do you want to do?" Taako bit his lip and touched his stomach tentatively. It didn't feel any different.

"Well, um, I had a plan,"

"Yes,"

"Which was... to ask you... what you wanted to do," Kravitz hid in his hands again and Taako suddenly felt defensive.

"I just found out two seconds before coming to find you, it's not like I had time to think about it," He drew his legs up protectively until he was somewhat in a ball. He glared at the grass.

"Okay just... do you want to keep it?" Kravitz's voice got gentle, and he reached forward carefully. Taako didn't respond at first, then turned in his general direction, still not looking at him.

"I dunno I mean," He played with a strand of his hair. "I never thought about kids mainly because-- just-- who can subject such a small child to such a baller ass parent to live up to?"

Kravitz burst out laughing.

"So much pressure and fame so young," Taako wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "Though they will have amazing genes," Kravitz had completely broken down into hysterical cackling. He eventually leaned into Taako and held his hands, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"They'd be beautiful," He assured in that sincere way of his and Taako was suddenly embarrassed and tingly and so so in love.

"Obviously," He mumbled. He could feel his ears twitching. "So real talk uh, even though I'd be kind of a garbage fire parent--" Kravitz fixed him with his stern 'Don't shit talk yourself face'. "I'm surrounded by... fairly competent people, present company included," He looked up at his husband. He knew he didn't look suave or charming right now but maybe he didn't need to be. "And you know maybe we can give this kid the better childhood I didn't--"

Kravitz was kissing him. He was kissing him because he had been talking so long it was stupid. He did it until Taako was a little breathless (Bad habit he had picked up on account of not needing air) and had to gasp at the end.

"Alright, yes, alright, I'm a little terrified but alright," He looked a little terrified this close up, but also excited. Taako grinned and tossed his arms around his neck and held tight, letting out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding.

"It'll be a cakewalk babe," He promised and Kravitz let out a soft groan.

"Ohhh gods I'm not father material, I let Angus eat nothing but jellybeans for dinner first time I babysat--" Taako was stroking his hair fondly.

"To be fair he rolled pretty high on his deception check to convince you they were beans made for living kids,"

***

Kravitz had taken one step out of the portal into his home before he was lifted into the air and spun around.

"CONGRATS," Magnus was apparently oblivious to the reaper's immediate panic response and luckily avoided the scythe swipe. Taako walked in and stared.

"You chucklefucks couldn't keep a lid on the secret for an HOUR?" Barry Lup and Merle looked away to different points of the room. "Oh you know this family," His sister tried to play it off. Taako sighed dramatically and flopped onto the couch.

"I was gonna throw the best announcement party. I cannot believe I'm bringing a child into this mess," Davenport moved over cautiously.

"So you're keeping it?" Taako didn't move from his dramatic flop and Magnus set Kravitz down finally at Lucretia's insistence. Taako waved flippantly in his direction.

"He talked me into it, I married a giant domestic sap," Lup gave him a doubtful look and a hug from above the couch.

"Taking expanding the brand to a whole new level there," Merle patted Taako's foot from where he was sitting.

"I'm proud of you buddy, and I've got lots of experience--" Taako put his hands over his ears.

"Nope nope none of that thank you," Magnus ran over to Taako (Istus he was so excited) leaving Davenport and Lucretia in one corner of the room. She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sure you'll be an excellent father," She said, and Kravitz felt a little better.

"Thank you,"

"...But you know we're gonna give you hell for accidentally knocking him up, right?" Kravitz looked around surprisedly and six out of seven birds were giving him a look. Magnus cracked his knuckles.

"We'll give you a head start though,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus just gave him a wet Willy he's fine. Comments and Kudos are appreciated ❤️


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I finally found the art that helped inspire this fic, it’s by thelastbashtion on tumblr. Also thanks for the support you guys!

Taako didn't like being pregnant. Other people talked about how pregnant people had that 'glow', that magic that comes with making a life of some shit. Taako didn't glow. Taako threw up at six am every morning, got bloated, got swollen feet, got sick at the smell of cooking chicken (He was a goddamned CHEF) and it sucked. But, the one redeemer was all the free shit he was gonna get. Oh yeah also their little bundle of joy and all that.

The house was cleaned, streamers hung (By Lup and Barry of course Taako now refused to do any work because, "Think of the children Lup,") and Taako's bomb ass baby shower was thrown. Lucretia and Angus were the first ones there.

"Hello sir! It's baby day!" He announced, and Lucretia followed behind, looking amused. Angus was still in his soccer jersey so it must've been Lucretia's turn to pick him up from practice today. They were both holding small packages and Lucretia caught Taako's eye, smile falling. She went over to Lup silently and Taako glared, an ear twitching. Ango provided a distraction. He held up a flat parcel almost to Taako's face.

"Here sir, this is my present for the baby-- well also you I guess," His eyes flicked down to Taako's stomach. There was definitely a bump now, not huge but noticeable. Thank Pan Ren had a knack for finding cute maternity clothes. Taako would've been screwed fashion wise. The wizard tapped Angus' nose and accepted the gift. "Don't even think about touching it pumpkin. For some reason everyone wants to touch your tummy once you've got a bun in the oven," he sat down with a huff on one of the overstuffed armchairs. Angus climbed on the arm of the chair next to him, swinging his legs. "Magnus is going to be a tad late sir," Taako gave the present a curious sniff, then began to unwrap it. "Well then I guess he's gonna miss me getting this sweet asssss," he pulled the picture book from the paper and his face fell into a pout. "Nerd tome?"

Angus reached over delicately and helped him open it. The cover and pages were well worn with love. "This is something my grandpa used to read to me when I was even a littler boy sir, I've had it for a very long time." The story seemed to be about a caterpillar who needed to go on a Fantasy Weight Watchers program. Taako checked the back cover and sure enough, Angus' claim to the book was written in old faded crayon.

 Taako huffed, and (Gingerly) set the book on the end table next to him. "Well then I'll have to have Kravitz read it to the kiddo, you know he's into nerd junk," He pulled Angus' cap over his eyes affectionately. Angus was beaming. He knew better than to call Taako out on affection. "Where is Mr. Kravitz sir?" Taako pouted and blew a raspberry, letting his hat fall over his eyes.

"Out on an emergency litch call and missing out on all the baby loot," He got up from the chair and walked over to the snack table his sister and Barold had set up. Angus trailed behind, book in tow, and showing it off to Barry, Lup and Lucretia at Taako’s insistence. As the guests arrived the presents piled up.

Ren (She always had the best gifts) got him a pair of sweatpants that said ‘BABY ON BOARD’ across the back. Carey and Killian brought a wine red stroller with little skulls on the wheels. “We were trying to play into your man’s aesthetics,” Killian offered as an explanation. Taako assured her Kravitz would love it. Davenport arrived with Merle, and a mobile with stars and a silver ship. Merle gave him a mobile as well but this was made of beach trash. Taako eventually fell back from the party to the kitchen, letting Lup and Merle hash out wether glass shards were dangerous for a mobile. He nearly jumped ten feet when Lucretia startled him out of pouring himself a drink.

“Gods wear a bell, will ya?” She looked apologetic, and turned her eyes away from his face.

“Well I didn’t want to— um,” She brought a small box forward, silver and blue and nicely wrapped. Taako stared her down, then snatched the box. “Thought you would go halfsies with Mags on his super late present,” he muttered, taking a savage pleasure in ripping up the pretty wrapping paper. Lucretia smiled faintly. “No his is— it’s all him.” Taako finally got the box open and brought out the gift with a dramatic flourish.

 It was a red blanket, nothing seemingly special about it. Except, the material seemed familiar— “It’s my old robe,” she explained and Taako stayed quiet. He knew what robe she meant. THE robe. The one he still had buried in his closet like a treasured artifact because it was. “I wore it into wonderland— I’m not sure why maybe for luck or... comfort but during one of the trials it was burned and I tried mending spells but—“

“You don’t get back what you lose in wonderland,” Taako finished, pressing the blanket to his chest. His eyes were shut. Lucretia reached out towards it. “So I decided to do something useful with it. I took the biggest scrap and made it into a square with some other effects. May I?”

Taako was clinging to it, ears flattened against the sides of his head. “No takebacks,” Lucretia regarded him flatly. “It does other things.” Taako reluctantly handed it over. Lucretia held it at arms length in one hand, and with her other, drew her wand from her belt and cast a spell. Sacred Flame engulfed the fabric and Taako let out an undignified yelp. His hands flew towards it automatically but Lucretia held it out of reach. “How fucking DARE,” He screeched, still trying to grab it. “I THOUGHT YOU ACTUALLY DID A NON-SHITTY THING AND NOW— now,” the fire died down and the blanket was completely unscathed. Taako paused, then snatched the blanket again. Lucretia let him.

 “I cast an intricate spell of protection on it so anything wearing it is basically invulnerable,” Taako was already blasting the cloth with spells and hexes. It refused to transmute and stubbornly stayed a baby blanket.

“What are y’all doing in there?” Lup called from the living room. “SCIENCE,” Taako yelled back, using all his willpower to try and turn the blanket into a jar of peanut butter. Nothing. He held it a little defeatedly. “Well,” he was a little unsure of what to say. “Hot diggity shit that’s a baller ass baby gift.”

Lucretia smiled and Taako smiled back, a little forced. They weren’t totally okay. They would never be like that. But this was good. It was all in the little steps. Baby steps. Just then there was a commotion in the living room as resident party animal Magnus Burnsides burst in.

 Taako rushed out of the kitchen, still clutching the gift, and Lucretia let him pass. “Sorry I’m late I had some wood.... issues,” he announced, lugging in a ridiculously sized present behind him. Well it wasn’t exactly a secret what it was. A wooden crib, carefully carved with a red bow stuck to the front of it was pulled into the living room. Barry helped him move it next to the present table and Taako drifted over dazedly.

“Holy shit Maggie,” He whispered, touching the side. A small row of ducks and stars decorated the sides. Magnus looked absolutely delighted despite no one laughing at his wood joke. Fantasy Hello Kitty band aids were wrapped around his fingers and there was some dog hair on his pants. “Yeah I started on this once you guys made the announcement, I had to wait for the finish to dry before I moved it— Taako are you crying?” The elf had buried his face in the baby blanket and was shaking slightly. Lup was immediately there with an arm around him. A small crowd of party guests had gathered to see the present and now Taako. He sniffed loudly and turned his face up from the blanket.

“I’m just really— you guys— fucking hormones and shit look at what this kid is doing to me already,” Barry wordlessly handed him a tissue so he wouldn’t get any more snot and tears on the blanket (Even though they disappeared on contact). He dabbed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Magnus it’s— it’s a really good dead tree skeleton my dude you did such a good job,” at this point Lup had to pull him into a hug where he could sob safely into her shoulder. Barry shooed the rest of the crowd away to preserve some of Taako’s privacy.

Davenport leaned over to Merle quietly. “You think the next six months are gonna be like this?” Merle took a sip of his lemonade. “You should see dwarf moms. Or maybe it was just Hecuba,” he considered, as a tear in reality opened up in the living room.

Kravitz walked in, seemingly confused by the endless amount of gifts and a crying Taako in his house. “Um, what—“ Lup had already shoved her brother towards him and he was getting coddled expertly. Kravitz stroked his hair and looked around for guidance. “I made too awesome a present,” Magnus offered as an explanation, and Kravitz noticed the crib and seemingly melted.

“Oh, well isn’t that lovely,” Taako sniffled from his shoulder. “It’s absolutely incredible my dude and you _missed it_ ,” Kravitz looked a little embarrassed, and took a step back. “Well ah, my Lady kept me for, uh, personal matters,” Taako now noticed the present he was holding.

It was wine red wrapping paper with an incredibly ornate lace black bow. Taako immediately forgot why he was sad and gasped. “No goddamn way,” he snatched it. “Your _mom_ sent a present?” Kravitz seemed conflicted in his answer while Lup and Barry joined the circle.

“Again, She isn’t my mother, but yes she sent a— babe,” Taako was busy shredding wrapping paper. Lup had her hands together and eyes closed in mock prayer. “Please be a mini scythe please be a mini scythe,” Barry was leaning over her shoulder to get a good look. “Nope it’s gonna be a rattle made of bones just watch,”

Taako pulled the gift out and they were all silent for a moment before Lup and Taako broke down in identical fits of laughter. Kravitz took and examined the raven onesie, with a horrified expression. “Oh dear gods,”

A small tag on the end of it, in elegant script read, “To my Grandchild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyy I wanted to do a baby shower scene for SURE and this looks so rushed but I refuse to mess with it anymore. Also if you’re wandering what Lup and Barry got Taako their gift is taking care of his over dramatic ass for the next six months. Comments and Kudos are appreciated ❤️


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy sorry I can’t keep a normal schedule, school came back to give me hell. Also I keep forgetting to tell you guys!!! My writing and art blog on tumblr is artandstarstuff so if you wanna talk at me do it there please and thank you. Anyway enjoy the chapter!

“Babe, Krav, love of my life, jumper of my bones,” Taako was laying on the couch, magazine over his face. Kravitz sat at the other end, the elf’s feet in his lap. He looked up from his book amusedly.

“Hungry?” Taako groaned, dragging the magazine down his face. “I want chips, and peanut butter, and a giant mixing bowl full of mashed potatoes—“

“I will get you an ice cream sandwich,” Kravitz promised, getting up, kissing his forehead, and making his way to the kitchen. His husband smiled after him. “You’re a life saver,” Kravitz snorted at that. Taako flexed his hands then began the monumental task of sitting up.

He felt stupidly pregnant at this point. It was a month or two before the baby was due but still. Ren had eventually made him stop trying to work at the school, so he was grounded until the kid decided to join them. He was secretly glad because pregnant life was hell. His feet were swollen he got tired so easily all he wanted to do was sleep. Kravitz’s constant reassurances he was handsome and the doting on by his family was much appreciated.

Once he had gotten into a semi sitting position he let out a little “Oof!” And looked at his stomach. Kravitz was halfway across the living room with his snack when he saw. He abandoned the ice cream on the coffee table in favor of hurrying over to put his hands to Taako’s stomach.

“Did I miss it?” He asked, inspecting him as if it would give him answers. Taako smiled and stroked his hair.

“Sorry babe, Taako Jr. is a one kick wonder,” Kravitz was making an expression not unlike a pout. His hands were warm. “Now come on what did I ever do to you?” Taako snorted as he continued to address the unborn child. “Are you giving me the silent treatment?”

“Maybe it’s because you’re depriving us of an ice cream sandwich,” Taako made grabby hands towards the coffee table. Kravitz handed him his snack apologetically but refused to move from his middle. Kravitz seemed to have the unique talent of missing all the kicks his baby administered. Lup and Barry already beat him to it. He was in a bad mood about that for a little while but they both felt bad about it. However, Lup had used it as evidence for her case of being the favorite aunt.

“Baba is very sorry, will you kick for me now?” He asked and Taako rolled his eyes. “They can’t hear you babe,” Kravitz eyed him and put a finger to his lips.

“Shhh you’ll hurt their feelings. Besides, Merle said they can hear your heartbeat and such,” Taako objected around his mouthful of food. “Merle also thinks Jimmy Buffett’s music is modern art I am not taking his advice on anything, especially babies,” The dwarf had contacted them both more and more recently, with everything from diaper changing tips to horror stories about labor.

Kravitz hummed, side of his head resting on his stomach. Taako scarfed down his snack like he hadn’t eaten all day. “Well you just ignore him darling, I know you can hear me and your daddy is wrong,” Taako let his head fall back.

“They’re not even born yet and you’re both conspiring against me. I’ve been betrayed,” he tossed the empty ice cream wrapper in the vague direction of the trash can. Kravitz pressed a kiss above his navel.

“I would never— Oh! I heard a noise is that something?” He looked absolutely delighted. Taako’s heart melted into something like jelly. He played with his hair lazily.

“Our baby is trying to contact you hon, they’re a prodigy natch— Oof,” he jumped a little, and put a hand to his mouth.

Kravitz seemed alarmed and reached under the coffee table for a small trash can. “Morning sickness?” Taako shook his head. That had mostly stopped a few weeks ago but the scent of cooking chicken still made him rush towards the kitchen sink.

“Naw it’s just— Oh— Krav I shit you not the kid’s got the hiccups,” Kravitz paused to process that, then lit up when he felt the movement under his fingertips.

“Oh! Oh that’s— I can feel it! Oh my goodness,” he was overjoyed. Taako felt another jump and went back to ruffling his husband’s hair as he got comfortable at stomach level. Kravitz was trying to comfort the baby.

“It’s alright, you’re alright, you’ll be okay and your daddy and I love you very much,”

“God I married such a giant sap,” Taako sighed, but he couldn’t control his smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated ❤️


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it ends! This is a long chapter so buckle in.

Krav,”

“Mm,”

“Krav, baby,” Krav pushed his hair back and rolled over to face Taako, eyes still shut. “Hm?” He mumbled into the sheets.

“No, Krav, _baby_ ,” Kravitz cracked an eye confusedly. Taako looked wide awake, white knuckled grip on the sheets, chest rising and falling rapidly. “My water broke,”

***

The hospital staff was stressed on the best of days but when the Grim Reaper and the most powerful transmutation wizard in the galaxy show up that’s a whole new ball of wax. Especially when one of them was having a baby and the other was having a meltdown.

“Deep breaths hon,” Kravitz was digging his hands into his eye sockets (His face had evaporated when Taako had given the news and he didn’t seem to have noticed). “Gods Taako this isn’t funny—“

“It’s a little funny,” the elf was laying on the hospital bed, one hand over his stomach. He seemed strangely calm. Kravitz was almost rocking himself in the chair at this point.

“Fuck, fuck, okay I read all the baby books, I studied, what do you need? Taako? Darling, do you need anything?” He hovered by the bedside. Taako pursed his lips and grimaced.

“Uhhhh, maybe all the painkillers in this hospital my guy if I’m gonna get high legally I might as well branch— sWEET PAN HOLY HELL” he arched off the bed and Kravitz grabbed his hand. Taako hissed through his teeth and held Kravitz’s hand way too tight. Kravitz either didn’t mind or didn’t notice. The elf wheezed out a breath. “Okay this kid apparently got my patience holy fucking shit on a Tuesday,”

There was a rip in reality and a crush of bodies forced their way into the hospital room. Magnus was squeezed out first directly onto his face. He lifted his head from the hospital floor.

“Did we miss it? Did we miss it?” Lup popped in and stepped over him.

“Sorry we’re late bud,” she clutched Taako’s free hand. “ _Somebody_ delayed us,” she cast a look back at their family which were now filling in. Merle held a balloon that used to say ‘It’s a boy!’ but was scratched out with permanent marker to read ‘Its an elf!’ The dwarf pointed at her accusingly.

“Hey, this’ll boost morale,” Lucretia helped Magnus off the floor and Barry closed the portal. Most of them seemed to be in their pajamas. Lucretia was in a nightgown with a shawl thrown over it. Barry was in hastily thrown on jeans and a shirt that read ‘Bone Boy’ (It was a present from Lup, she had a matching one that said ‘Litch Bitch’.) Davenport had to get on his tip toes to see over the bed and lay a comforting hand on Taako’s arm.

“How you holding up?” Taako groaned and let his head fall back. “Just peachy my guy it’s been two hours and this is worst than getting stabbed by that giant scorpion in cycle 37 but I’m GREAT I’M SO FANTASTIC,” he verged on screaming as another contraction hit him, and he leaned back into the bed with a whimper afterwards.

A halfling nurse walked in, studying a clipboard right after. “So everything— oh wow uhh,” she looked around at the now super packed room. “Did you all go through reception?” Lucretia fixed her with a ‘Madame Director Raised Eyebrow’ look and gestured with a hand to Taako.

“That’s your priority? Really?” The nurse fumbled for words and Taako thrashed.

“UPDATE FROM TAAKO CENTRAL HERE, if I don’t get some painkillers _into_ me and this kid _outta_ me I will MAGIC MISSLE SOMEONE’S ASS TO A TASTEFULLY CHARRED CRISP—“ he broke off into expletives and gasping as Lup put a hand to his forehead. The nurse rushed over and checked him as well.

“It looks like you’re close, okay, I’m gonna go get a doctor—“

“I’m a cleric—“

“KEEP THAT DWARF AWAY FROM WHATEVER THE FUCK HAPPENS DOWN THERE,” Taako ordered. Merle raised his hands in surrender, backing up nervously. “Fair enough.” The halfling pointed at the door.

“Look I’m gonna need space in here so anyone who isn’t family needs to clear out,” there was an awkward half minute where no one moved. The nurse looked around exasperatedly. “Okay then two people stay, I’ll be right back,” and she was out the door.

Barry leaned over towards Taako cautiously. “Do you, uh, do you want us here bud?”

Taako was staring at the ceiling in horror. “Oh my gods I’m gonna die, I was so young, so beautiful,” Lup gave Barry a reassuring pat with her free hand.

“‘Fraid that’s a no babe, go scare some people in the waiting room,” Davenport and Barry followed a nervous looking Magnus and Lucretia out.

“You’ll be fine son,”

“Good luck,”

“Yeah kick labor’s ass Taako,”

“We’ll see you soon,”

Merle hurriedly tied the balloon to the end of the bed, and gave the remaining trio a thumbs up. “Morale,” he said, and ran out the door.

Lup was rubbing Taako’s hand, eyes focused on her brother. “Krav you gotta keep it together,” Kravitz’s skull snapped up to look at her.

“Right right I’m just— this is kind of just the complete opposite of my job. Literally,” Taako groaned and turned to face him.

“Hey your job or not this is fifty percent your fault okay and so help me gods I will transfer all this pain to you if you blank out on me,” Kravitz leaned forward, flesh and face returning, to press their foreheads together and kiss part of his face.

“I don’t doubt it, I’m here and I love you,” Taako relaxed under the touch and gave his hand a squeeze. “Yeah whatever bozo,” he mumbled, and Kravitz smiled. The doctor walked in, trailed by the nurse, gloves on.

“Okay I’m gonna be your doctor today, are you ready Taako?” Lup held one hand. Kravitz the other. Taako took a deep breath.

“Fuck yeah my man let’s evict this little shit,”

***

The baby absolutely howled when it was born and Taako got to hold her for about forty five seconds and mutter a ,”fucking sweet,” before passing out. The doctor swaddled her. They cut the cord. They took her away to be weighed and measured and checked. Kravitz didn’t get to hold her.

Taako was sawing logs. Head back, mouth open, completely indecent and Magnus worthy snoring. Kravitz’s foot tapped rapid fire against the ground. The balloon swayed silently.

“Hey ghost rider,” he looked up at Lup, expecting the rest of their family following her in, but it was just her. And a bundle that was making fussy sounds.

He stood up way too fast and reached forward. “Is that—?” She fixed him with a look. “No, I stole someone else’s baby to give to you of course it’s your’s ya undead dingus,” she walked over and gingerly handed the precious cargo over. Kravitz’s hands were shaking. “They has already finished checking up on her and it was a matter of dropping a charm bomb on those fools— and maybe a few scare bombs but she is my niece she’s gotta learn,” the baby’s crying trickled down. Kravitz pulled the blanket back from her face a little.

One eye opened and peered at him, and then a second one, and a tiny mouth smacked as she looked up at him. She was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Her eyes were soft and new, her tongue was peeking out, and her ears god her ears were way too big for her and she was perfect. He didn’t look up as Lup went on.

“Anyway I’m gonna find the chucklefuck brigade and invite them to barge in, but you’ve got a little while with your old babe and your new babe,” her tone softened her words. The newborn made a small gurgle and Kravitz sat down on the edge of Taako’s bed in silence.

“See you in ten,” Lup’s voice assured, and there was a closing door. Kravitz heard a soft rustle behind him and turned.

Taako was propped up on pillows, eyes lidded but opened. “That baby?” He mumbled, painkillers probably still in effect. Kravitz moved up, laying next to him in the hospital bed and holding his baby, their baby, between them. Taako smiled lazily, reaching out and supporting her head gently.

“Damn bone man we did good,” he laid his head on Kravitz’s chest. The infant let out a teeny grunt of displeasure. “That’s one Taako original, featuring Kravitz, goddamn grade A masterpiece is what that kiddo is. Bam,” Kravitz lost it then, smothering his exhausted and tearful giggles into his husband’s hair.

“Work of art this fine needs a baller ass name,” Taako took over holding duties and cradled her close, which seemed to calm her down a bit. He tickled her cheek affectionately. She turned her head and suckled, rooting for food, and Kravitz hastily grabbed one of the bottles sitting on the bedside table.

“Anything in mind?” He asked, preparing the formula. Taako hummed, putting a finger to her mouth to pacify her for the time being.

“None of your stuffy composers, sorry babe, this kid is going places and it ain’t gonna get there with a name like Motzart,” Kravitz knew that had been a long shot. “Middle name?” He tried anyway. Taako fixed him with a look.

“You didn’t go through four hours of labor, less naming privileges,” Kravitz smiled. “That seems fair. What then?” Taako chewed his lip.

“I was thinking maybe... Empanada?” Kravitz took the baby and gently guided her to the bottle. He smiled down at her.

“Pretty,” he commented. “Ada for short?” Taako hummed in agreement. “Read my mind skeleman,” he snuggled his head into the dip of his shoulder. He was so exhausted. “You pick middle name now but nothing lame,” he mumbled. Kravitz watched her eat lovingly.

“Empanada Taaco,” he considered. “I like it as is actually. Middle names are overrated.” Taako was falling asleep again. “Hell yeah my dude, breaking all the rules.” The door opened a crack, an eye peeked, and then Magnus rushed in. Quietly.

He ran over and silently screamed, hands to his face. The rest of them poured in, tip toeing cautiously.

“Oh my gosh look at their /ears/,” he made grabby hands and Taako sighed, leaning over and parting some cloth from the baby’s face. (She did have huge ears but all elf babies did. They were almost as long as her body, flat and soft. She would grow into them eventually, but until then they’d have to stop her from chewing on them.)

“Introducing for the first time in public, Empanada Taaco, lovely fruit of my loins and all that good shit,” Ada didnt seem to care about the guests. She was much more focused on the half finished bottle. The family cooed. It was another thirty minutes before they let them hold her.

Magnus was oh so careful and ugly crying. Davenport seemed to be low key freaking out until Merle gave him some pointers. Kravitz felt Taako shift next to him when it was Lucretia’s turn.

She held Ada in front of her and Ada stared at her with soft little eyes. Lucretia addressed the baby formally but softly. “Well hello there little Ada it’s nice to meet y—“

Ada spit up a decent amount of formula directly onto Lucretia’s chest. Everyone froze. Lucretia seemed stuck in place, staring at the mess on her nightgown. There was a pause then Taako’s sudden and hysterical laughter followed by everyone else’s while Kravitz hastily took the baby back.

“I’VE HAD A KID FOR TEN MINUTES AND I’M ALREADY SO GODDAMNED PROUD,” He cackled, laughing so hard tears streamed down his cheeks.

***

Kravitz stood in the doorway of the nursery. Ada was asleep in his arms, still wrapped in her hospital blanket. Kravitz swallowed.

The nursery was beautiful. It was formerly one of their many guest rooms, but then Taako had slathered the walls with lavender paint, while Lup and Barry spelled the ceiling to blink and twinkle like a night sky. There were so many stuffed toys, sent in by fans over nine months who heard about the baby of the infamous wizard. Magnus’ crib was in one corner, and Kravitz walked over slowly. He placed her down gently, on the bed of soft things and Lucretia’s blanket. She laid there, eyes shut, arms splayed. The absolute picture of comfort.

He pulled up a rocking chair, also courtesy of Magnus, and watched her sleep. He heard footsteps and moved over in the chair to allow Taako to sit next to him.

“You should be resting,” he chided. Taako looked like absolute hell. He gave a yawn and snuggled into Kravitz’s side. “Me and that baby were together nine months compadre I’m not letting her just walk off,” Kravitz stroked his hair. “I know love. Still, you need to recover,” Taako sighed quietly.

“Fine, but I might not sleep through feeding time,” he sunk more and more into Kravitz’s side. “Gotta get the kid her bottle, rock the baby, bottle rockets, bottle that shitup, sell it,” His words became gibberish and then snores. Kravitz smiled and held his husband close.

Ada breathed and snuffled in her crib. They had this. They were good. He leaned back in the rocking chair and listened to his family breathe.

They were good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy y’all. I know some of you were holding out for twins but I didn’t want to too closely copy some other fics I’ve seen. Anyway keep an eye out for my next taakitz fic! I’ll probably do a few about their new baby life. Thanks for coming along!!! I love y’all!!! Comments and Kudos are appreciated as always ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated ❤️


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